|How to heal yourself from being a self centered person.|
I believe that the underlying basis for people being self centered is that deep inside they know that they are not proper. Arrogant and self centered people are aware they are arrogant or self centered. They are aware of this because during the course of their lives they have suffered the pain of loosing friends and relationships because of their arrogant, self centered ways. The question arises, why would they continue to be this way when they know it is so self destructive. Ah if only life was that easy. The problem is that self centered people are aware that their mind is not in order and that something is not right. So their mind becomes obsessed with fixing the problem. That is why they ponder and analyze endlessly. Their mind is aware that there are loving, and caring people out there in the world with healthy friendships and relationships and self centered people desire to be like these people. So the mind becomes self absorbed in order to re organise and clean the itself. The problem is when you are not ordered properly in your mind you don't know what you don't know to make yourself normal. Or correct. This lack of not knowing what you need to know to become "normal" is what causes a general narcissism and more specifically self absorption. Over analyzing things and constantly being paranoid about your behaviour. Your mind is working round the clock to make you right, but it doesn't know where to look. It's like your using a search engine to find out a new Pasta recipe and yet you are typing random words into the search bar. When I use the word "normal" what I mean is normal in your own minds eye. What you view as normal. After all normal is a subjective concept and is different to everyone. The key point here is your mind is being overworked and valuable energy is being wasted. This reduces your energy and your life chances at success.
Since self absorption causes you to miss social cues on etiquette and behaviour that most people are aware of, it causes you to be further alienated and paranoid. As the pain caused by not having proper relationships and proper functioning friendships gives you a virtual file folder full of painful and harsh memories that again keep your mental hard drive busy. Now your mind is not only trying to make you "normal" it's also trying oh so hard to forget bad memories and remove bad thoughts and put you in a happy productive state. This further ads to your woes as you are now burning tremendous amounts of mental energy in trying to fix your mind, and at the same time trying to forget the very painful, negative and unnecessary experiences your un fixed mind has caused. You turn to drugs, alcohol or other things to give yourself some relief. Or a YouTube, or Facebook addiction etc. etc. You need these addictions because it gives you relief from the painful memories and takes your minds focus off a constant need to fix yourself. You may also develop an arrogant personality in this situation as you are aware you are not right and thus anyone who tries to help you is hitting a nerve. Its too painful to face the harsh reality and you become defensive and lash out. This arrogance further alienates you and causes more painful memories and makes the mind work even harder and removes the mind and nervous system from it's normal state of relaxation, peace and happiness. In this state people may take to excessive religious observance to cope with the pain. Also a constant focus on God alleviates the need to focus on fixing yourself and thinking about bad memories. However while these temporary solutions may suffice in the short term they do not solve the problem. While healthy religious people keep God first in their lives, they do not obsess over God, and lead healthy normal lives etc. You are merely sweeping the problem under the rug or looking for temporary solutions.
As the years go by the person falls further and further behind as their mind is preoccupied with fixing themselves, and avoiding painful memories of that past. Since large portions of the mind are involved in these activities within the conscious and sub conscious realm. The brain power which should be delivering you that Ph.d in Physics or that world Cricket championship is not their. In other words your potential is being lessened greatly.
The clear minded person is racking up the degrees and the big paychecks with a light cheerful attitude toward life and religion. Now the question is how is this cured?
As with most great things in life there are no easy answers. However there are effective and concrete solutions that can heal us, and make us better stronger people. I will now offer a litany of these solutions, each individual one will have a drastic impact on your life, however combined can radically reform you into a productive and unstoppable human being.
1. Make an absolute commitment to personal development. Personal development is no longer something which we can choose to put into our lives or not. It is a must, in today's highly developed world, you must make a life long commitment to personal development. This means looking at the masters such as Tony Robbins and Wayne Dyer and beyond. The reason this is so important is because your mind is self absorbed with fixing itself, because your conscious mind is aware that your sub conscious mind is not right. That means a huge part of your conscious mind is wasting valuable energy looking for what is missing, when it doesn't know what its looking for because you lack critical knowledge. This is enough over the years to drive someone to become mentally unstable.
When you make a personal commitment to personal development you are basically saying I acknowledge their is something not right with me. However instead of ignoring it and letting my mind run all over the place I will narrow the scope into the Bull's eye of personal development. When you look to the masters in the field of personal development you will start to slowly but surely get better.
2. Now the root of the problem may stem from your childhood. You may have been neglected as a child and raised by MTV. Since you were neglected you simply absorbed a lot of filth and trash into your mind. Also you were never guided to the path of personal development. You never had a coach as your parents never enrolled you in any sports or anything else that would have developed you more. I am not here to blame your parents as they did not know any better. They may too have suffered their entire lives. Now is the time to look forward and be positive. You are about to embark on an awesome journey toward happiness.
Remember since you were never guided by anyone personal development may feel weird to you. It's not, it is normal and healthy to be committed to personal development. Also if you were neglected by your parents or guardians you have two problems. You never really had a positive and loving relationship where you should have had one. Two you have probably absorbed an inordinate amount of filth and junk into your mind. After all we are surrounded by filth, and garbage virtually exploding out of our TV screens 24 hours a day. Therefore as I will state later, as kids we had a very low level of consciousness and simply absorb whatever was in front of us. We needed to be told right from wrong. However if we were neglected by our parents we never had this in any significant way. Therefore the task you have to do for me is this: You have to make a commitment to guard and protect your mind from all filth.
Since you are self absorbed which usually comes with a slew of other character flaws. It has most likely caused you to lead a semi charmed kind of life. You may have had no significant external sources of good pure attention and love. Maybe not even from your parents, so therefore for now in the short term you must immediately terminate all filthy comedies, rap songs, and relationships with toxic people. On top of this you must fill yourself up with positive music, movies, preachers, and personal development coaches. You may be so filled with the toxic filth of society that it actually may cause you mental pain to pull yourself away from it.
Remember none of this means you are abnormal etc. Tens of millions of people are suffering in silence as I write this. You are truly a child of God, normal and beautiful. You will immediately start to change and become a better person as you rid your mind of all the garbage and filth coming into it. It is interesting how no one ever asks me, what exactly should I stop watching. Everyone knows what is bad for them etc. Yet they were almost in a trance like state watching and viewing destructive filth on end. Just taking this simple step will reform you significantly, you will start to fill your soul up with goodness and become more loving and caring then you ever were before. However your journey is just beginning.
3. Now your relentless commitment to personal development coupled with your forfeiture of negative media, and indulgence in positive media will start to have a significant effect on you. As you get better your interactions with people and places. will become happier and healthier. Your conscious mind will now have a lot to work with as you now know a lot about personal development. Your mind will even make connections between information so you can start to create and invent yourself. The masters like Wayne Dyer and Tony Robbins will guide you through it. As you become a better person, the stress on your mind will be greatly reduced. Your brain will now have a file that has a lot of knowledge with regards to being a good person, and it can easily search this or think about this for answers, instead of expending large amounts of energy taking stabs in the dark. Also as you become a better person you will be able to make new and better friendships. Your trail of failed relationships and bad friendships which caused your brain endless amounts of anxiety and worry will start to fade away and be replaced with healthy, loving and caring relationships. A trail of fond memories and potentially exciting moments in the future will occupy your brain.
With new loving relationships in your life, and with your mind having a lot more knowledge on how to act right your life will improve greatly. Your mind will expend a lot less energy worried about past failed relationships and a lot more time experiencing happy moments which fuel your energy. As a note do not say to yourself, that since the happy moments I had when I was a child just happened there is something unnatural or weird about willing important and beautiful memories into your life. Remember when you were a child your level of consciousness was a lot less. You never had the level of thinking and will power you have right now. Now that you are an adult with a high level of consciousness and will power you should use this to your advantage. Will great moments and great memories. Value and cherish your beautiful friends and family. If you show the will power to go out there and do it, God will manifest the happy experiences for you. I sincerely believe if you take a step toward happiness God will make the way for you. You got to take the step though!
4. Remember when you were at the stage where your life felt out of control you began to associate even going out with negative and painful feelings. You started to enjoy staying at home and being in the house because it was safe. You knew you couldn't get hurt at home. Now that you are a new person absolutely committed to personal development, and now that you are using your will power and positivity to create great moments and friends the negative association of going out should fade. You should start to rack up positive and happy experiences by going out. Remember God has mapped every moment of your life and it is his will you have these experiences! Enjoy them! You should start to look forward to and get excited about going out with friends and creating happy and healthy experiences of love and friendship. These happy experiences as they build up will create a huge and awesome file in your brain called happy experiences. These will energise you and make you excited, and give you energy which will spill over into your professional life too. Your brain finds it harder to dwell on past negative experiences as the newer more exciting experiences of happiness, love and friendship are all the more awesome!
5. KEEP The momentum going! Don't slack on your laurels once you see a large improvement in your life. Keep going, keep building, keep your mind towards abundance. Keep moving remember the righteous man's thoughts are toward plenty as it says in the Holy Bible. In Islam Muslims often say God is great. Remember if you truly believe God is great then do and achieve great things. Keep the momentum going, remember happiness isn't a place, its a way of life, THERE IS NO WAY TO HAPPINESS, HAPPINESS IS THE WAY!
6. As you start to not only achieve a normal life but rather an exceptional life from your commitment to personal development, and clean living your mind will no longer feel that their is something "wrong" with you. Your mind will start to feel you are not only normal but that you are exceptional! your self esteem and self respect will began to solidify. Arrogant boasts as a result of deep seated feelings of inadequacy will no longer be necessary. As the world acknowledges your exceptional quality and character. You will become calm and relaxed. Your previous experiences of pain and misery will keep you humble. Remember your commitment to personal development also means a commitment to humility. God is now showering his blessings on you and you must remain committed to God's way in order for the blessings to continue. Now that your own mind has declared you exceptional your mind has now stopped relentlessly searching itself and absorbing junk from the outside world to heal you, or just as bad absorbing junk music and movies from the outside world to take your mind off painful memories from your past.
Remember your body heals you when you are wounded, your mind also tries its darn best to heal you when it feels something is mentally wrong with you. You do not will or even notice your body healing itself, similarly you may not even feel your sub conscious mind expending large amounts of energy trying to heal you. This is another release of massive energy as your mind is no longer obsessed with you, and healing you, and sucking in massive amounts of useless information to find answers, you are calm and at peace. Your intelligence and focus explode because now your mind is operating at 100%. Your wealth and happiness explode. Your absolute commitment to personal development and willingness to create happy and positive experiences has given you a windfall of benefits. Remember now you are no longer self centered as your mind is not trying to heal you anymore. Now is your moment to get awesome blessings by helping others! Now you are probably pretty wealthy due to being focused and energetic.
7. Helping others and giving back to others will be an awesome experience, you are no longer obsessed with fixing yourself you are now obsessed with helping others and do not think of yourself much anymore. There is no need to think about yourself anymore. Would you spend time thinking about fixing a car that was running perfectly? Obviously not! as a mechanic as soon as a car is fixed you start to think about fixing the next car! Now life gets even better, because previously you filled yourself up with love through experiencing positive stimulus from religious preachers or good poems and other positive stimuli. Now this is all well and good, however at the stage where you become a giver you start to receive direct positive stimuli. People who are directly benefiting from you start to give you love and appreciation. Your soul becomes filled in with more love and goodness.
As said before what comes out of you is what's inside of you. As your soul starts to get even more filled up with love and happiness, love and happiness start to come out of you even more, you become an even better person. Giving back to others is fundamental to experiencing and creating true love and affection between human beings and to win God's favour. You are now far from being self centered, arrogant or narcissistic. Most of your time is spent thinking about the well being of others and your energy level has exploded. Remember THIS IS A LIFE LONG COMMITMENT. They say Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived and he had a relentless commitment to learning and knowledge. He would say choose knowledge over Gold and Silver. The beautiful words of the Holy Quran command us to learn from cradle to grave.
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